All posts tagged pork

…when she broke her leg, gravy came out.

This post is dedicated to madukes who knows how to throw and feed a party. Not to say that my mama’s fat and got gravy legs cause her legs are just the beginning of her hotness, but just thought I would get the mama jokes out the way so yall don’t have to. Ya hear? Really. You really don’t have to.

Last night, she had her crew over and as usual, went above and beyond with the spread. If you want a lesson in party food, lemme let you know that this is where it’s at. All recipes are available, just let a chick know in the comments and maybe madukes will bring it with a guest post.

B and I brought jello shots to the shindig. Damn easy: follow the instructions on the box which calls for 1 part boiling water, 1 part cold water. Substitute the cold water with vodka and walla, you got your self a real-life sorwhority party up in this piece.

Check this menu.

Dried Italian Sausage, English Cheddar, Chorizo, Pepper Jack (I hovered here for a bit):

Salsa and Guacamole, a must:

Hummus and Vegetable. No recipe for this one here cause this is straight up Sahadis. Why mess with perfection?:

Mozzarella, Tomato, Basil Salad AKA Caprese AKA Get In My Mouth:

Olives. Again, thank you Sahadis.

BBQ Pulled Pork, served as sliders with hot dog buns cut in half:

Artichoke and Spinach Dip. Ma refers to this as her favorite white trash dish. For me, it’s tied with tuna salad with crushed potato chips. Holla.:

Triple Creme Brie with Grapes (pretty sure I added on a whole roll of fat with this one):

Jello Shots, cause it ain’t a party till your holding a strangers hair back over the vomatoriam:

Let me know next time you’re hosing and I’ll come eat all your food. Word.

By Jessica | January 21, 2009 | Main Courses, Recipes | 5 Comments

I don’t like pork chops. Something about all that white meat that is far too… meaty for me. I know, I know. You’re like, wtf. This chick writes some bullshit about not liking meat on her own crap site called Go Meat Yourself!? I’m a hypocrite – what can I say? Well, I can say this: pile me up a slab of dark meat; juicy, fatty, tender dark meat (I swear to christ my mouth is watering right now) and I will go to town. But, if I’m trying to please my man in the kitchen – hold up, let me clarify. So, if I’m trying to please my man by COOKING my man what my man likes, and if what he likes is pork chops, baby gonna cook him some pork chops. Baby just gonna have to find a way to hide that shit under a whole lotta flava. So check it. I present to you Parmesan Crusted Pork Chops over a Green Salad with Goat Cheese.

Parmesan Crusted Pork Chops over a Green Salad with Goat Cheese

For the meat:
2 boneless, center-cut pork chops, about 1/2 thick
1/2 fresh large grated parmesan
2 eggs, mixed in a bowl
1 cup of plain bread crumbs
1 tbs dried rosemary
a sprinkle of dried thyme and/or oregano
salt and pepper for taste
oil of choice for frying

For the salad:
Salad greens for two, preferably mesclun
2 stalks of scallion, sliced
some goat cheese to your liking
olive oil
1 lemon, cut in 4

Salt and pepper your pork chops. Put your eggs in a bowl. Mix the bread crumbs and your herbs into a bowl. Coat the chops in the parmesan and make sure it really sticks. Dip the chops in the egg and next in the bread crumbs. Heat a heavy skillet with your fryin oil and drop each chop in when hot. You know its hot enough when you flick a bit of water and it sizzles. Cook for about 5 minutes on either side. Cut into the chop to know its not bloody still and you won’t die or horrific death of trichinosis. While the are cooking up…

Add your salad greens to each plate. Distribute the goat cheese – or if you like, bleu, and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Squeeze one quarter of each lemon over each salad. Drizzle with olive oil.

When the porkies are done, place directly on top of the salad. Drizzle some of each of the remaining lemon wedge halves and let sit them sit on the plate for additional squeezing by your eater. (They like to get involved).

This goes well with beer and a side of Family Guy while you eat.

By Jessica | December 12, 2008 | Main Courses, Recipes | 2 Comments

What makes your mouth water? For some it’s pickles, for others it’s burgers. For me it’s both those things AND spicy noodle soup. Either of these three items would cause me to do a diddy if I could eat them all day long without getting to be a total fat ass.

When I found out how easy it is to enhance the 10 cent ramen from your college days, I made it at least once a week. I have now ventured into making it from a soup base with fresh(ish) noodles. Next will be homemade stock. Watch out David Chang, I’m either going to eventually out-ramen your ass, or maybe just come to your restaurant. But you’ll have to roll me out. There!

Anyway, here is a recipe for deliciousness. If you have never cooked anything before, you should start with this.

Ramen with Roast Pork, Mushroom and Poached Egg

1.5 c of ramen soup base (find this in the Spanish/Chinese section of your grocery)
5 c of water
2 inches of fresh ginger, very thinly sliced
one jalapeno, very thinly sliced
8 fresh shitake mushrooms
1 tbs of butter
1 cup of cooked roast pork
3 scallions, sliced
1 egg
your favorite asian noodle: udon, ramen, rice, up to you
kimchi for garnish
sirachi for extra fire mouth
This serves two.

Bring a big pot of water to boil for your noodles. You will also be using this boiling water for poaching the egg but more on that later.

I would really recommend you pause in your sheffin and go buy a mandolin right now. The mandolin has become the love of my kitchen life. But, if you are really not going to do that, grab your jalapeno and ginger and slice the shit out of them – you want them really thin. If you slice really thinly, you can get away without peeling the ginger. Combine the soup base and water in a medium sauce pan and add the ginger and jalapeno. Put on a slow to medium heat.

When the water for your noodles starts to boil, add the noodles.

Remove the stems from your mushrooms and slice. In a small sauce pan, add a tablespoon of butter and a bit of olive oil. Saute the mushrooms until soft. Set aside.

As your soup stock is simmering and your noodles are cooking, cut your scallions, heat your pork if it isn’t already, and get out your eggs and kimchi. I make my kimchi myself. It isn’t entirely traditionally but easy as shit. Check it here.

When your scallion is cut, and your pork is warm and your kimchi is no longer cold from from sitting in the fridge, maybe your noodles are ready, depending on the noodle you are working with. You are going to have to judge that for yourself. When they are done, it’s about moving quickly to assemble your bowl.

When the noodles are done, don’t drain – grab them with a tong and put them in the serving bowl. Add the broth to the noodles. Keep the water from the noodles boiling and very gently crack two eggs into the water. While those cook for 2.5 minutes, add the scallion, pork, mushroom, and kimchi to the soup bowl in pretty little clumps. Leave room for the egg. After 2.5 minutes, with a slotted spoon, carefully take each egg out of the water and add to the bowls. You are looking for a solid egg white but a soft yoke. It will be hard to tell but you’ll get better with practice. Swear.

Serve your ramen with sirachi sauce for the freaks and pop a beer cause this one is hot and spicy.

When you are ready to eat, crack your eggs with chop sticks and with each bite, swirl your noodles through the yoke. This will be the best bit of food you ever done had.

By Jessica | October 20, 2008 | Main Courses, Projects, Recipes, Snackin, Salads and Apps | 2 Comments

B and I (yeah, he’s B now) had the old crew over to ours for taco munching and tequila drinking and boy, it was quite the fiesta. After the major cleaning we gave the place, we spent hours prepping for the 11 guests to enjoy a sit down taco dinner. For the “vegetarians” we made fish. But the winner, and the to make, was for def, the pernil. Secret family recipe below. Until then, see what we did for Tomatillo Salsa, Mango Salsa, Pico de Gallo, Roast Corn, Guacamole, Lime and Cilantro Marinated Tilapia, and Chicken Breast with Lemon. We served these dishes with tons of small flour tortillas, lime wedges, shredded red cabbage, sliced radish, and Goya yellow rice (shut up).

Tomatillo Salsa
First of all, if you don’t know about tomatillos, I suggest to you get to the store quick and eat as many as you can. Tomatillos are cuties cause they look like hard little green tomatoes but are then wrapped in a lovely gift paper of leaves. Second of all, they taste like strong tangy tomatoes. Basically, tomatillos kick the ass out of regular old tomatoes. Here we go.

6 tomatillos
1 garlic clove
1 jalapeno
1 long green pepper
1 habanero, seeded
juice of 1/2 lime
salt
Makes about 1 cup

I don’t normally suggest using food processors cause I know yall don’t all have em, but I’m sorry, cause you need it for this. Process the garlic first so you know that it is as small as it’s going to get. You don’t want to be waking up next to the person that chomped into a hunk of raw garlic. Quarter your tomatillos, roughly chop your three peppers and toss them all into the processor. Blend till you have a watery consistency. Sit back and hate yourself for not knowing about tomatillos til now.

Mango Salsa

Not usually a sweet eater but I figured someone would be at the partaay so we had to do something for those weirdos. Mango salsa was the answer and answer it was.

2 mangos, chopped
1 small red onion, chopped
1 small handful of cilantro, chopped
1 jalapeno, finely chopped
juice of one lemon
Makes 4 cups

Um? Add together and stir? This went great with chips or on the pork.

Pico de Gallo
Look, nobody is shocking you here. This Pico is very traditional, but that’s the way we like it here. I dare you to send me a better recipe with heirloom tomatoes. Dare you.

12 plum tomatoes, seeded and chopped
2 vine tomatoes, seeded and chopped
4 jalapenos, finely chopped
1 mega red onion, finely chopped
1 handful of chopped cilantro
juice of 1 lemon and 1 lime
salt to taste
Serves a butt load of people, about 6 cups

Um, add together and stir. Der.

Roast Corn

I’m not saying I’m cool cause I do my corn mexican style cause everybody and their moms does it mexican style. I’m saying I’m cool cause you’re reading this. Nah! Jay Kay! Read this and eat this.

6 ears of corn
juice of one lime
2 tbl of mayo
1/4 cup of parmesan
1 tbl of cayenne
1 tbl of paprika
salt to taste
Makes 5 cups

Husk and boil your corn for 5 minutes. Let it completely dry and place ears on hot hot hot grill pan. Let blacken for as much patience as you have. Maybe 3 minutes per side. Cut the kernels off the ears and add to a mixing bowl. Add the remaining 6 ingredients. Serve hot or warm. Good as a side or in the tacos.

The guacamole was outstanding. Stay tuned to More Meat for the recipe on that from guest meater, K.

Lime and Cilantro Marinated Tilapia
Fish tacos are possibly my fave thing, but these were just alright. Next time I would use a different fish so you got chunks instead of shreds. Regardless, here is the stupid recipe.

6 tilapia filets
1 jalapeno, finely chopped
juice of 1 lime
1 small handful of chopped cilantro
a dash of paprika
salt and pepper

These babies are getting grilled. About 45 minutes to and hour before you throw em on, add the last 4 ingredients to the fishes in a bowl and let them marinate. When your grill is nice and hot, throw them on for about 4 minutes on one side and 30 seconds on the other. Just by removing the fish from the pan, it will fall apart over the serving plate. This went well with the guac.

Chicken with Lemon
Look, nobody likes chicken but it’s just gotta be on the table when 11 are sitting because you don’t know who the pork haters are going to be. Hence the chicken. But I will say, B masterfully grilled up a 4-foot pile of thinly sliced chicken filets.

6 chicken breasts, thinly sliced
juice of two lemons
salt and pepper
Each breast makes about 6 small tacos

Marinate the chicken with the lemon, salt and pepper for about a half hour prior to grilling. Slam the breasts onto the grill. You know they are done when they turn white. Once removed, cut into thin slices and garnish with some more lemon. (I promise to get more inventive next time – I’m putting myself to sleep.)

Pernil

Pernil is puerto rican style roast pork. The beauty of this style is the textures, combining a falling-off-the-bone inside with a crispy pig skin on the outside. I’m not saying this isn’t going to make your heart explode, but I am saying this is going to make your heart filled with love for whoever put it in your mouth.

Secret Family Recipe Here.

Seacrest Out.

By Jessica | October 8, 2008 | Main Courses, Recipes, Snackin, Salads and Apps | 1 Comment

What do you get when you combine homemade dumplings and spring rolls, wine flowage, and tequila shots to boot? Our house on Saturday night. Oh. Yeah. And I’m not going to lie to you people, the food was banging. Even C said the food seemed easy enough to make at home and her culinary skills peak at choosing a stinky cheese and a dope wine – not that thats anything to laugh about. I can’t taste the difference between merlot and shiraz but give me a blind pork test and I’ll school you. Anyway, make these things at your house to impress your friends.

Steamed Pork and Scallion Dumplings

1/2 lb of ground pork
2 scallions, sliced
1/4 cup of tamari
3 tbs of sesame oil
dash of vinegar
fresh pepper
wanton wrappers
Makes about 12.

Mix the first 6 ingredients together. Drop a spoonful of mixture on to the center of the wrapper. Wet the exposed edges with water. Grab all the corners, bring to the middle and scrunch together. Steam for 20 minutes. Dipping sauces below.

Steamed Ginger and Beef Dumplings

1/2 lb of ground beef
1/4 cup of finely chopped ginger
1/4 cup of tamari
salt and fresh pepper
wanton wrappers
Makes about 12.

Mix all ingredients together. Drop a spoonful of mixture on to the center of the wrapper. Wet the exposed edges with water. Grab all the corners, bring to the middle and scrunch together. Steam for 20 minutes. Dipping sauces below.

Fried Cabbage, Shitake and Carrot Dumplings

1 carrot, diced
1/4 cup of white cabbage, shredded
1/4 cup of shitake mushrooms, diced
wanton wrappers
veg oil for frying
1/2 cup of water
Makes about 12.

Dice your carrot, cabbage and shrooms and combine in a bowl. Drop a tablespoon or so (you’ll begin to feel it out) onto the wrapper. Guess what you do here. That’s right. Wet the edges, grab the corners, bring together, scrunchy scrunchy. Here is what is different. Heat a frying pan and add a bit of veg oil for frying. When very hot, place your dumpling to fry for 5 minutes. When they have a nice crispy brown bottom, pour in a 1/2 cup of water and cover immediately to finish cooking through with a nice steam bath. Let it do its thing for 5 minutes. Should be ready at this time. Dipping sauces below.

Fresh Spring Rolls

1/2 carrot, julienned (that means cut into thin strips at about 3 inches)
2 scallions, cut down the middle middle and cut at about 3 inches
1/2 bunch of cilantro
1/2 bunch of chinese or (uh, american? or italian?.. dunno) basil
rice paper rolls

Cut your veggies and clean and dry your herbals. Add the rice paper to a bowl of very warm water and let it soften for about 30 seconds. Make sure you get all the edges under the water so it doesn’t roll up and crack. When the paper is soft, very gently pull it out and lay flat on a cutting board. Throw a bit of each of your ingredients into the center towards the bottom of the wrapper. Begin to roll the fatty towards the center. Halfway up, grab the right and the left and fold over the rolled half. Then continue to roll up. As soon as the paper dries, it will stick to itself. To serve, use a very sharp knife to cut 2 or 4 slices and stand up if possible.

Dippin Sauces

sirachi
wasabi paste with tamari
chopped ginger in tamari
sesame oil with red pepper flakes (or without)

Let me mention that I particularly like the wasabi with the beef and the sesame oil with the spring rolls. Let me also mention that these are damn easy to do, cheap as all get out and fun to eat. I am not afraid to cater your next dumpling affair. Gimme a date and a time and I’ll be there. You provide the tequila.

By Jessica | September 22, 2008 | Projects, Recipes | 3 Comments

So we like to eat pork, wanna fight about it? We also like to eat bite-sized. I think it’s cuter that way. Pretty sure R just thinks it’s more fun to eat with his fingers. I got a steamer recently, and since we like dumplings around here, and pork is our heart, we churned out some pork dumplings like we were a tiny little dumpling-eating factory.

All the ones that look like dumplings, R made. My anal ass (ha, didn’t even think about that when I was typing but it stays) liked the straight lines of the stars, so those are mine. Also see the lone tortalli I made. :( Not sure why I did that.

I’m not going to lie to you, R’s were better and I would recommend that shape with this recipe. Something about the bunchy dough at the top that was mmm mmm good.

Steamed Pork Dumplings

1 lb of ground pork
1/4 cup tamari
3 tbs of sesame oil
2 tbs of sirachi
one small splash of vinegar
1 shallot, finely chopped
wanton wrappers (as I said before, shut up)
salt and pepper
Makes about 24 dumplings. Perfectly serves 2 as an entre if you’re fat.

Combine all the ingredients in a bowl. Mix with your fingers (please wash them first, gross). Drop one scoop of pork, roughly the diameter of a quarter in the middle of the wanton wrapper. Brush water on the exposed parts of the wrapper to act as a adhesive. Gather the corners and edges and pull to the top. Smoosh together. Keep uncooked dumplings beneath a damp paper towel while finishing up. Wet the steamer a bit before putting the dumplings in or they will stick to the wood after cooking. Put the steamer on top of a pot of boiling water and let the dumplings steam for 20 minutes. If there are two stacked baskets, as most steamers are, switch the order halfway through.

For dipping, serve with individual bowls of tamari sauce, sirachi sauce, and sesame oil with red pepper flakes. I hear duck sauce would do yourself good, as well. Again, if you’re going to use your fingers, please wash them?