All posts tagged cheddar

Yo Mamas So Fat…

…when she broke her leg, gravy came out.

This post is dedicated to madukes who knows how to throw and feed a party. Not to say that my mama’s fat and got gravy legs cause her legs are just the beginning of her hotness, but just thought I would get the mama jokes out the way so yall don’t have to. Ya hear? Really. You really don’t have to.

Last night, she had her crew over and as usual, went above and beyond with the spread. If you want a lesson in party food, lemme let you know that this is where it’s at. All recipes are available, just let a chick know in the comments and maybe madukes will bring it with a guest post.

B and I brought jello shots to the shindig. Damn easy: follow the instructions on the box which calls for 1 part boiling water, 1 part cold water. Substitute the cold water with vodka and walla, you got your self a real-life sorwhority party up in this piece.

Check this menu.

Dried Italian Sausage, English Cheddar, Chorizo, Pepper Jack (I hovered here for a bit):

Salsa and Guacamole, a must:

Hummus and Vegetable. No recipe for this one here cause this is straight up Sahadis. Why mess with perfection?:

Mozzarella, Tomato, Basil Salad AKA Caprese AKA Get In My Mouth:

Olives. Again, thank you Sahadis.

BBQ Pulled Pork, served as sliders with hot dog buns cut in half:

Artichoke and Spinach Dip. Ma refers to this as her favorite white trash dish. For me, it’s tied with tuna salad with crushed potato chips. Holla.:

Triple Creme Brie with Grapes (pretty sure I added on a whole roll of fat with this one):

Jello Shots, cause it ain’t a party till your holding a strangers hair back over the vomatoriam:

Let me know next time you’re hosing and I’ll come eat all your food. Word.

I’ll See Your 7 and Raise You 2: 9 Layer Taco Dip

Recently was the super bowl and boy was I bored once I got full. Sunday morning I searched around to see who’s house I could invite myself over to and therefore have an excuse to cook my little football hating heart out. I do kinda remember when some guy ran 100 yards but I think that was about when I was lapsing into a food coma and getting cozy with my 2nd bud (hey – when in rome).

I brought 9 Layer Taco dip and Buffalo Style Chicken Fingers. I’m not going to lie – i enjoy ripping the meat off a bone but sometimes a good piece of frank’s red hot-marinated chicken breast can do me right.

For your next boy party, serve this shmack up. And by the way, don’t try to gourmet this recipe all up – it’s supposed to be proletariat. DONT MAKE me turn this car around.

9 Layer Taco Dip
4 oz of cream cheese
4 oz of sour cream
1 paper packet of taco seasoning
16 oz of refried beans
4 cups of shredded iceberg lettuce (if I even see you going to mesclun, arugula or bib, I swear to god…)
2 tomatoes, seeded and chopped
1 small red onion, finely chopped
3 cups of good ol fashion, shredded yellow cheddar cheese
8 oz of canned, sliced black olives (put them kalamatas away right now)
8 oz of canned pickled jalapenos
a big oh bag of corn ships
Serves me or 10.

Mix the cream cheese and sour cream together and add half the packet of seasoning – you can add this to taste. In a 12x16ish pan, spread the creme cheese mixture evenly across the bottom with a spatula. Microwave the beans for 45 seconds to make them soft and pliable but not hot. Spread over the cheese. Then layer in the following order: lettuce, tomato, onion, cheddar, olives and top with jalapenos to taste. Serve with chips.

Buffalo Chicken Fingers
4 chicken breasts
frank’s red hot
bread crumbs
fryin oil
1 tablespoon of butter
more franks red hot
cayenne powder if you nastay
Serves me or 10.

To All You Fake Ass Buffalo Wing Mutherhumpers:
First of all, if you aren’t using franks red hot or something that has vinagar and cayenne and butter, You Are Not Making Buffalo wings. What is up with bars that serve “buffalo wings” and then come out the kitchen with a freaking plate of sweet and sour wings. Or BBQ wings. Or fried wings. It makes me want to shove a wing right up your… <Say to myself… breathe… it’s just chicken.>

So… you are going to have to cut your chicken in chunks that are about 2 inches by 2 inches by 1 inch ish. You aren’t going to get even pieces but try. Throw the chunks into a glass bowl and toss in franks red hot sauce to coat. Add some cayenne if you want fire mouth. Without it you will have “mild” and who in the sam hell wants that? Let marinate in the fridge at least an hour.

After an hour, coat each piece of chicken in bread crumbs and lightly fry in a pan with hot hot hot oil. Fry for 2 minutes on each side and place on a baking sheet. When done fryin, bake the chicken at 350 for 15 minutes.

To make a buffalo dipping sauce, add one tablespoon of butter to 1/2 a cup of franks red hot and heat in a micro or on the stove top till the butter melts. Add cayenne till satisfied. I got about 2 tablespoon for hot – but I could see going hotter. I mean, I’m not a pussy.

Turning A House Into a Home With Homemade Sausage

As a home-warming gift to ourselves, R and I got a sausage making attachment for my fancy mixer. We’ve done it twice now, the first time taking about 3 hours longer than our second attempt. What resulted were recipes for the following: Sun-dried Tomato and Jalapeño Chicken, Southwestern Pepper Pork, Scallion and English Cheddar Pork, Jerk Pork, and Bloody Mary Pork. Our second batch was good ol fashioned, Spicy Pork.

We bought chicken breast and pork butt from my second home, Los Paisanos. Cut them in large 2″ chunks and froze the meat, which makes it much easier to grind. Freezing the pork is most important because grinding fat, which is all up in the pork butt, is tough on the machine unless it’s as cold as possible.

We used all natural hog casing preserved in salt. The casings need to soak in cold water for 30 minutes prior to sliding onto the stuffer. The only part of this process that grossed me the hell out was using the casing. For some reason, the smell of the rawness, which is not strong at all, stuck in my nostrils for days. I washed my hands 72 times, but I would still wake up in the middle of the night smelling hog intestines. Will this stop me from becoming the Snausy queen of NY? No.

I don’t have explicit amounts cause we didn’t do it like that. We just perused the fridge, grabbed, chopped or grinded, and threw that shiv together. Here’s the list:

Chicken Sausage: Chicken breast, fresh jalapeño, oil-marinaded sun-dried tomatoes, lots of fresh garlic. All ingredients went through the grinder, pureing it all. No extra fat was added. This caused for a healthy, but crumbly sausage.

Southwestern Pepper Pork: B’s sis came through after her trip through the southwest. She brought a very spicy, sweet, and delish pepper relish. We folded tons of this stuff to the pork and a fresh chopped jalopeno.

Scallion and English Cheddar Pork: This was B’s idea and it was inspired by a traditional sour cream and onion dip. We grinded the scallion and cut the cheese in chunks so that when it cooked, the cheese would be gooey and melty. This was inspired by those crappy cheese stuffed hotdogs.

Jerk Pork: This was my second favorite sausage. But I’m not going to lie to you. The reason why I can’t claim it to be my fave is cause we used a jarred jerk. BUT, I’ll tell you why. This jerk seasoning is so damn delish, it’s the whole don’t fix-it-if-aint-broke thing. Do your self a favor and go buy Grace Jerk Seasoning. Anyway, we added a whole bunch of this spicy goodness to the pork, and damn, all jerked out.

Bloody Mary Pork: Now, this is my ultimate fave, mostly cause the ingredients were most original. We just added the best of what you would add to a Bloody Mary, besides the tomato juice: prepared horseradish, Tabasco, worchester sauce, green olives with pimento, spicy pickled green beans, salt and pepper.

All in all, the sausages were pretty good but they need some improvement. Since they were all pretty cumbly, we decided we would add more fat to the next batch. Also, the flavors could have been a bit more strong, so we’ll double that next time.

Good ol’ Spicy Pork: Our second batch we did a traditional spicy pork sausage with more fat. This time the sausages were perfect in texture, but again, we still need to add more flavor crystals. We added onion powder, garlic powder, cayenne, thyme, mustard powder, salt and fresh black pepper.

In conclusion, making sausage is not all that hard. Making it good, thats another thing. But watch out Jimmy Dean. I’mma comin.