All posts in Projects

By Jessica | August 11, 2009 | Projects | 6 Comments

Just want to prepare yall for the next line of products straight out the Go Meat Yourself kitchen: Jerky. Like a Mo.

I’ll be letting you know all sorts of fun facts about the wild world of jerky and promise not to make any more references to beef curtains, jerking off, or these edible jerky undies pictured below. Holla.

By Jessica | April 30, 2009 | Projects | 11 Comments

It. Has. Been. So. Long. Since I cooked and wrote. But here is why: I was goddamn busy; get off my back.

I have an announcement to make. I’m going vagitarian. Oops. I mean VEGitarian. No Sam Ronson for me. Now I know, it’s like you’re saying to yourself, “What a dumb hoe. How she gonna write this stupid blog called Go MEAT Yourself and not eat meat? I aughta slap her”.

But here is the thing. Meat is dirty. I just read a book that freaked me the fuck out SO, I’m going vag. For 4 weeks. Then I’m back riding my meat wave to the pulled pork in the sky. D Day is after Memorial Day weekend BBQs. Watch out for this hoe cause I may be cranky for not getting my double daily dose of the meats. And? Fish is included. Yalls going to get so much freaking tofu and quinoa and goat cheese and bean recipes, you’re gonna fart by just reading this bitch.

T minus 25 days to fill up the gullet as much as possible on the lamb shanks, cheeseburgers, hanger steaks, bacon, salami, pork belly, pastrami and rye, corned beef hash, hot dogs, gyros, chicken wings, turkey mayo sammies, roast beef like a mo, smoked turkey legs, chicken salad, pulled pork, ribs, salmon steaks, tuna steaks, swordfish steaks, broiled shimps, boiled shrimp, shrimps rolls, fish tacos, mussels, clams, crabs, lobsters and straight. up. steak.

Cry for me argentina cause you know I’m gonna be hungry. Until then, send me your suggestions on how not to starve.

By Jessica | April 16, 2009 | Main Courses, Projects, Recipes, Snackin, Salads and Apps | 8 Comments

I love Easter cause it’s all the food and none of the shopping. It’s not that I don’t like giving (or getting) christmas or kwanza gifts for my loved ones. It’s that if I have to stand in one more holiday line, fight my way through one more crowd of coupon-wielding buyers, I will punch a bitch in their mouth. And that’s why JJ loves Easter. You get to eat lots with fam and get drunk without having to remember to leave cookies for jesus.

B and I hosted this year. We had my fam and friends without fam (or friends with fam that don’t love them much). And instead of packing the place with the usual overfed fatties, we wanted to cook a regular amount of food for a regular sized plate – very unamerican of us. (well, B’s not american, that’s probably where that comes from). Anyways. We made lamb, roast potatoes, salad and asparagus. Check it, check it out to the bricka bricka.

Roasted Leg of Lamb
5.5 lbs of boneless lamb
2.5 lbs of boneless lamb
5 cloves or garlic
leaves from 4 stalks of rosemary
olive oil
salt
pepper
baking twine / string
Serves 12

I grabbed these two pieces of lamb /\ and cut the larger one in half so I had thee equal pieces of meat. You can do two 4lb pieces if you want but it will change the cooking time. The night before you are to gorge on this lamb roast, toss your garlic and rosemary leaves into the food processor. While pulsing, drizzle olive oil until it becomes a paste. You may have to pause to scrape the sides of the processor. When the paste is made, swath over your lamb meat and and stick in the fridge for a day.

About 30 minutes prior to roasting, pull out the lamb and bring to room temp. Preheat your oven to 450 degree. While waiting, wrap your lambs up into tight little footballs with your cooking string. It will be obvious where you are doing the folding and the tightening – promise. Tie that mother tight and place each piece into one large roasting pan.

Roast at 450 for 15 minutes. Reduce the temp to 325 and roast until the meat is at 125 for medium rare. Go get yourself a meat thermometer. It will change everything. Gonna be about 45 minutes at 325, but I can’t tell you exactly cause there are too many variables. Remove from oven and let sit for 15 minutes. Get your hot piece of meat (for me, that’s B) to cut your roast against the grain for optimal tenderoni.

Tangerine and Fennel Over Greens
This is the same tired ass salad I made the other night but I just cannot get enough of this shit.

Grilled Asparagus with Hollandaise Sauce
I’m not going to bother to give you a recipe for the hollandaise sauce cause it’s not worth it. I mean, it was good, but really i just used tyler florence’s tastiness and I know you aren’t going to make this shit anyways.

Grilled Asparagus Recipe: Buy asparagus. Cut asparagus. Oil asparagus. Grill asparagus. Eat asparagus. Pee asparagus.

Roast Potatoes English Style
I don’t know how to make these – this was all B. But dead ass, this was the best thing on the table. Thank you Mama B for giving your son a butt like that and also teaching him how to make these nuggets of love. Maybe if we are lucky, he’ll jump in with a guest post and grace us with a recipe.

And last but not least, thanks so so much to K and P (click those letters) for taking these dizzle pics we see here. Never would have been able to wield a camera and a spatula and feed your asses at the same time. Big ups.

By Jessica | February 6, 2009 | Other People's Recipes, Projects, Recipes, Snackin, Salads and Apps | 3 Comments

It doesn’t seem hard, right? Get a big freakin olive, stuff it with your favorite savoriness and fry that mother up. It’s small and the directions are straight forward. Plus, Bittman said that anyone can do it. Well, I found someone that cannot do it. This gal.

I did two flavors: straight up mozzarella and an adventure of anchovie, fresh minced garlic and parmesan. I stuffed them, rolled em in flour, then egg, then panko bread crumbs (love panko, thank you japan) and deep fried those lil babies in canola. I was so excited. After 30 seconds in 180 degree oil, I took em out and rested them on brown paper bags which my guy tyler florence said is the best. We tasted. They were oily. Cheese fell out. The outside fell off. They were nasty. I was sad. Total failure.

But I didn’t give up, no siree bob. I said, lemme get all 1990s on this bitch and bake instead of fry. I was positive this would launch my new olive biness. This time, I chose a simple provelone. Then the flour, egg, panko, bake. Yeah… um, a bit better but not for company. B tore his up, but sometimes I suspect he does that just so I keep loving his ass.

I don’t know. What did I do wrong people? Please help a chick who strives to stuff her face with homemade skeelz but who has no money for culinary school.

By Jessica | January 8, 2009 | Other People's Recipes, Projects, Restaurants | 2 Comments

I been in england, so get off my back.

But, I got some goodies to share with yall. But before I get into it, I promised myself and my special brit traveling partner boy toy that no matter what shite I was served as a ridiculous excuse for a meal on the plane, that once home, I would recreate it into real food and serve that shit up lovely on Go Meat Yourself.

I was getting my england on even before leaving BK. Before boarding the death trap that has come to be known as an “airplane,” I was surprised with a special treat of english boozin called mulled wine. I realize that mulled wine comes from all over the globe, but since it was made by an english man, this is a damn english recipe.

Mulled Wine

1 cheap bottle of red wine
2 cinnamon sticks
1 tbs of whole cloves
1 cup of brown sugar
juice of 1 orange
Serves 4.

Pour the wine in large pot and keep on low. With a microplane, grate some of the cinnamon into the pot and then toss the sticks in whole. Add the cloves. Quarter the orange and squeeze the juice into the pot. Then add the squeezed orange pieces. Add sugar and stir until it dissolves. Heat the wine on low for at least 15 minutes – longer if your alcoholic ass can handle it. When your kitchen is sufficiently smellin like an old english farm house, pour the wine into mugs or wine glasses and garnish with the cinnamon sticks or orange slices. As you can see in this picture, we have a darling mini orange tree which we used special for the occasion.

On the plane, while trying not to think about my plummeting death, I was interrupted with the most wannabe pasta nosh. Fake food or not, I was excited to eat (ok, fine, I kinda like plane food). And I was excited to see what I would be recreating once safely back on the ground in BK where god intended me to be. And the wiener is: Manicotti! Stay tuned.

Now, jolly ol england has some fucked up eating practices. Baked beans for breakfast, along with roasted tomatoes and mushrooms. Now, I love me a good shroom and even some tomatoes here and there, but not with my scrambles, namean? Also, have you had marmite? A spreadable brown yeast? No thanks. You know what they put on their salads? Salad Cream. I know we did that here in the 80s, but now, a thick white jizz on my salad only makes me think of the most novelty of porn. Do you know they have something called black pudding, which is just fried blood and fat encased in intestines? Now that is fucked up. BUT. For all their ill conceived culinary delights, they really make up for it in a couple delicious ways. And I’m about to tell you how: bacon and steak flavored chips and pork scratchings at every bar.

Dude, it really tastes like meat. Kinda.

And on the luckiest of street corners, a bacon fairy will sell you a bacon bap, which is just a small roll with some “bacon” and by bacon, they mean ham. But thats ok. Its still a succulent slab of fatty pork on the way to the bank.

And for just a few quid, you can get some fried fish and chips in a crumpled up newspaper, doused in vinegar and a tiny little wooden spear. How angelas ashes is that!?

And if you are fortunate enough to make your way into the cutest area of the whole country known as cornwall, you can get yourself a cornish pasty. Not the kind you hang from your nips, although im sure you can find one or two there as well, but the kind of pasty that is a breaded pocket of savory goodness. The original and most common is steak with potato, carrot and swede. Yall have wolfed (or if you wont admit to wolfin, seen a commercial for) hot pockets, right? Same thing. A pasty in cornwall is like pizza in brooklyn, or sausage in vienna, or roofies on the jersey shore.

The flight home wasn’t very memorable. Mostly because I took as much sominex as I could without ODing.

By Jessica | December 3, 2008 | Chocolate, Projects, Recipes | 1 Comment

I’ve been doing the chocolate thing now for about a year and I still can’t get enough. I don’t eat it but I loves making it for people. B and I went to The Fancies for dinner the other night so I thought I would bring a box of chocolates for dessert. Making the chocolates is fun, but making the box for them to go in is possibly funner. Watch me get martha stewart on your ass.

This one is Salted Mixed Nuts.

This is Italian Cookie. I use hazelnut wafers which add a whole crunchy, yet airy element.

I love the haters when it comes to this one: Sea Salt. First of all, its the best looking, plus, its’ the unexpected that I love so. Salt and sweet go together like Britney and Cheetos, like coke and poopin, like me and stoli. It’s not new. It’s keeping it real.

This here is Cayenne. I’d like to think I invented this but as it turns out, I’m just ignant and everyone and their butt mixes cayenne and chocolate. Anyway, it’s good. Some times I add bacon to this one.

This is the box I made like it was friggin arts and crafts time at your local hipster throw-up-in-my-mouth bar.

Now look, I know life isn’t always flowers and sausages and we don’t all have time to be everything to everyone. So, I’m taking orders to make them for you. I got a few in line so place your orders early if you want a box. Order here.