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Look. I’m sick of all these bloody stereotypes of Irish people getting drunk and eating potatoes, throwing up and pissing green beer and shit. That’s why I’m trying to affirm a different association this St Patrick’s Day. Once that includes cheap, hardy, corned food and Guinness. And Jameson. And car bombs… And limericks. Shut up.

I made a corned beef, which let me let you know, is pickled beef brisket, boiled in water cause guess why. Back in the day, they’d slaughter some cows right?, and preserve what they couldn’t eat in a salty bath, and boil the last of the shit in March (St Patty’s Day), right in time for Lent, when there was no meat anyway. Goddamn, religion is so conveniently explained.

Ok, the other shit Ima put on you is a little local establishment I like to get my rocks off to and that’s Los Paisanos. Cause not that I told any of my guests that night, but Los was brining the beef for days before my paws got ahold of the slab. Let me proceed with the St Patrick’s Day menu…

Menu: Corned Beef, Red Cabbage Slaw, Individual Shepards Pie, Chocolate Guinness Cupcakes with Baileys Frosting, Car Bombs. Check it:

Corned Beef: A) It turns red all on its own. B) Bought 5 pounds of meat. C) Got like 2 pounds of meat and 2 pounds of fat. Look at them blobs!

Individual Shepard’s Pies: A) I didn’t do anything sexy here, just wanted the ol school shit. B) Except for the middle layer of kale that’s not usually in a Shepard’s or Cottage Pie. C) Shepard’s Pie is with lamb, Cottage Pie is with beef.

Chocolate Guinness Cupcakes with Bailey’s Frosting: A) I used an Epicurious recipe, go there, but lose the baking soda for a denser, more brownie like thingy. B) Frosting is 8 oz of soft cream cheese, a cup of confectioners sugar and 2 big glugs of Baileys.  C) B dropped my phone.

*Craic, pronounced “crack,” means “fun” or “good times” or you can say something like, “what’s the craic?” for “what’s happening?” or “whats going on?” THANKS B for your hot Brit Butt!