All posts in Projects

Mustard Mustard Mustard – Part 1

Ham and School House Mustard with Dill Pickles and Potato Chips on a Pretzel Roll

I was recently sent a jar of SchoolHouse Kitchen Horseradish Dill Mustard to play with and share on Foodzie.com. The task at hand was to create some food, blog about it and then stuff my face (well, that’s my addition). The mustard was so delicious that I OCD’s it and made three things. Here is one of them. Expect two more mustard-loving posts…

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Spicy Jerk-Pickled Mango

I think I stumbled upon something here. I’m not giving yall mofos this recipe cause it just may be my million dollar idea. So maybe the purpose of this post is to rub it in yall’s face that I’m eating this deliciosness and you’re not? I spose you could reach out and beg…

Spicy Jerk-Pickled Mango

Spicy Jerk-Pickled Mango

Ya Heard it here first!

Can Can

I’m part of a canning club where we send cans of things we make to each other across the country. I’m a terrible participant cause my lazy ass hasn’t sent anything in yet. Butt soon I will. PROMISE.

Tonight I received delish Pear Port & Thyme Conserve in the most ADORABLE fucking jar. Dumb good.

Pear Port and Thyme Conserve Pear Port and Thyme Conserve

Think I’ll make some more of this eggplant I been sweating. A sauteed, olive oil and garlic and red wine vinegar marinated batch of sumptuousness. You can lube with it.

Marinated Eggplant Marinated Eggplant

Am I right?

Show Your Craic*

Look. I’m sick of all these bloody stereotypes of Irish people getting drunk and eating potatoes, throwing up and pissing green beer and shit. That’s why I’m trying to affirm a different association this St Patrick’s Day. Once that includes cheap, hardy, corned food and Guinness. And Jameson. And car bombs… And limericks. Shut up.

I made a corned beef, which let me let you know, is pickled beef brisket, boiled in water cause guess why. Back in the day, they’d slaughter some cows right?, and preserve what they couldn’t eat in a salty bath, and boil the last of the shit in March (St Patty’s Day), right in time for Lent, when there was no meat anyway. Goddamn, religion is so conveniently explained.

Ok, the other shit Ima put on you is a little local establishment I like to get my rocks off to and that’s Los Paisanos. Cause not that I told any of my guests that night, but Los was brining the beef for days before my paws got ahold of the slab. Let me proceed with the St Patrick’s Day menu…

Menu: Corned Beef, Red Cabbage Slaw, Individual Shepards Pie, Chocolate Guinness Cupcakes with Baileys Frosting, Car Bombs. Check it:

Corned Beef: A) It turns red all on its own. B) Bought 5 pounds of meat. C) Got like 2 pounds of meat and 2 pounds of fat. Look at them blobs!

Corned Beef

Individual Shepard’s Pies: A) I didn’t do anything sexy here, just wanted the ol school shit. B) Except for the middle layer of kale that’s not usually in a Shepard’s or Cottage Pie. C) Shepard’s Pie is with lamb, Cottage Pie is with beef.

Individual Shepard's Pie

Chocolate Guinness Cupcakes with Bailey’s Frosting: A) I used an Epicurious recipe, go there, but lose the baking soda for a denser, more brownie like thingy. B) Frosting is 8 oz of soft cream cheese, a cup of confectioners sugar and 2 big glugs of Baileys.  C) B dropped my phone.

Chocolate Guinness Cupcakes with Bailey's Frosting

*Craic, pronounced “crack,” means “fun” or “good times” or you can say something like, “what’s the craic?” for “what’s happening?” or “whats going on?” THANKS B for your hot Brit Butt!

Can Can Can’t

Pickled Watermelon Rind

Remember when I wrote that I was part of a canning club where 8ish of us exchanged scrumptious homemade canned treats across the country? Well I meant “they” cause my fat lazy ass has yet to send anything. Butt I still get the delicioso. I’m a bad person. But a bad person with her own ass jar of pickled watermellon rind, so wamp wamp on that mother funker.

I don’t know how she did it but this canning chick managed to turn the inedible into the sexable cause this shmack is getting the one two treatment right heya. (<–I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean.)

Gloopy and spiced is the name of this game. I don’t know the recipe but I did some googling for you and these peoples are  offering the right yums.

Pickle Girl – She’s got the power to pickle.

Tatted dude working his melon, foreals.

Who wants pork with it? (duh)

and obviously, MARTHA!!!

Oh, and Dear Canning Club, Please don’t hate me. I PROMISE to be a better person and share. Just keep my treats coming, mkay?

Shake Your Ass To A Chocolate Record

Molding chocolate into whatever is whatever. But molding chocolate into a record that plays music? That’s fucking priceless.

Thanks to the good folks at the Mint Collective for the Put On.