Tostones are what I like to call the puerto rican french fry. It stared out as a healthy vegetable, but with enough human intervention, it developed into a salty, crispy accompaniment doused in hot sauce or fresh garlic.

Tostones are made from green plantains which look like massive hard green bananas. If you buy them ripened, soft and brown, you’ll fry up what is called platanos, which takes a different cooking process, turn out as a different shape, and are mushy and super sweet. No gracias. I much prefer its savory sibling any day.

Tostones are good to eat with almost anything, so next time you are making something that would go well with french fries, try making it with tostones instead. Your guests and stomach will say Te amo tanto usted hijo – de – a – perra.

Tostones
2 plantains
veg oil for frying
salt to taste
Serves two.

To peel the plantains, take a knife down the length until it just gets to the meat. Make another slit on the opposite side. Peel the leaves off taking care not to break them. The leaves will soon become your down-ass tool. Slice the plantains into 1 inch chunks and throw in a bowl of cool salted water for 10 minutes.

Throw some oil into a deep frying pan at about half an inch high. When very hot, use a tong to take the sliced plantains out of the water, dab on a paper towel to remove excess water and set in pan. Reserve the bowl of water for later a use. You should be able to get all your pieces in. Slightly brown on all sides. When done, place the plantains on a plate lined with brown paper or paper towel.

Here is the fun part. You are going to smash the slices into flattened disks using the leaves, which will make you feel like you want to run bare nekkid through El Yunque. Just something about using the whole fruit in your cooking process that is so down home.

You’ll get the hang of a good smash after a couple but you really want them to a precise thickness. Too thick and they will be mealy and under cooked. Too thin and they will be oily and fall apart. When smashed, throw them back in the bowl of water for 4 minutes.

When 4 minutes is up, throw them back in the frying pan for another few until they are a beautifully golden brown. When done, put them on fresh paper and salt immediately. Serve right away.

These go great with any food you might want to soak up some shlop with or cocktail sauce (ketchup and horseradish) or olive oil with finely chopped raw garlic or with tobasco.

Stay tuned for recipes for Baked Chicken with North African Spices and Spaghetti Squash, which is what I served this shmack with.