You’ll Love Me for This: Bacon-Fried Miso Scallops

Sometimes I think about how scallops are like God’s lil nuggets of love he hath given to us to kiss, lick, love, screw and mostly eat on. At least that’s how I feel when I try to buy them from Union Market and they are trying to charge  me a piece of my flesh for 2 scallops . But then also when I take them home and eat the shit out of them. Aside for their own natural buttery flaves, they are so receptive to playful accompaniments, that I love cooking them. B got a mouthful this week. Lucky fucker.

If you want to make 6 or 8, fry up some bacon. When the liquid gold has rendered from the strips, take em out and reserve the bacon for future use (who are we kidding? eat them alone and fast, with shame). While your bacon is frying, combine miso paste, fresh lemon juice and water till you get a cup. Play with the ratios till its your liking.

While the pan is still spanking hot and filmed with bacon fat but with the heat turned off, place the scallops and cook. If the pan isn’t still hot enough, you can turn it back on. When they are seared on the two flat edges and still a lil pink in the center, divide them into shallow bowls. With the heat still on, throw your tangy solution of miso, lemon and water into the pan to deglaze. Lift up that delicious bacon junk and heat through. When sufficiently hot, pour the liquid into the bowls with the scallops. Have your guest kiss your ass with praise and enjoy.

Ingredients
Scallops for 2
Juice of a lemon
Several strips of bacon
Couple table spoons of miso paste
Some water

Tomato Up The Ying Yang

And not in a gross, “I’m not eating that” kinda way, but in a “Whoa, this MUST be tomato season” kinda way.

And instead of getting my rocks off about heirloom tomatoes, I thought I would go straight China-import pesticidal, bright reds. Psyche. But really, I did start with some nice looking Sweet Cherry Tomatoes on the vine – you know the kind I’m talking about. They come in a flat plastic container of like 12 or 15. You should do this, it’s a beautiful thing.

Olive Oil Poached Sweet Tomatoes with Garlic

Keeping them on the vine, simply place the tomatoes in a heavy baking dish that fits them all snugly-like. I used an enameled cast iron which worked pretty well. Shoved barely wrapped garlic cloves all up in the cracks and pour in enough olive oil to almost cover. Using a brush, coat the tomatoes and garlic so its all oiled well, season with salt and pepper. Pop the shit in a 400 degree oven for 30 minutes-ish or until the tomato skin starts to split but before they completely turn to mush. Bake for less if you want them more firm – up to you. Once or twice while cooking, use a brush to re-coat the veg with the oil.

Now dip!

Alts: add fresh herbals like thyme or basil or the sticky icky.

Serve with crusty bread for dipping and for mashing the juicy (and very hot) tomatoes and soft-as-shit garlic into.

Left overs? We are going to turn it into a lo-fi pasta sauce. Stay tuned bizzes…

Meatopia BBQ NYC 2010: A Lifetime Original of A Girl Who Loved Meat Too Much

Meatopia, co-hosted by Josh Ozersky (food writer) and Jimmy Carbone (Taste of Tribeca & Good Beer Month), is essentially 25 chefs gathered on Governors Island in NYC, shlocking their (supposedly) best meat, all on one hot fucking day. Fat ass meat lovers bought tickets permitting 3, 6, or 9 -3oz. tastings of their choice. Or you could buy the “Whole Hog,” a cliche I hate to admit I enjoy, which gets you all the meat you could eat, unlimited water and blow-jobs from the chefs daughters. Hot dog!

I bought a ticket for 6 tastings, thinking I was going to leave partially hungry. Turns out I, or those chefs, don’t know what the hell 3 ounces of meat looks like. I never thought I would say this, but bitch had toooo much meat. Some of it forgettable, much of it average, a couple of them straight up nasty, and just a few that made me want to cry bacon infused tears of joy. The one thing I would have liked was to see more adventurous meats, the most challenging there was mutton and bison. Where was the ostrich, alligator, the endangered long-toothed hare?

I should also mention, a lot of pussies are crying on the webs about waiting in lines (not till late in the afternoon, so duh on you), not eating enough (youre fat), or… well that’s it. Mostly, I feel bad for you sorry sports cause you just paid a pretty penny for a ton of meat on a gorgeous afternoon. All I have to say is you are one privileged mother fucker.

Check out the 14 things I tried, in order of “I Hate You” to “I’ll Love Your Genitals Forever.” PS forgiven the oddly focused pics – new camera:

14. High Plains Bison’s Sliced BBQ Bison Filet Steak with Fresh Kimchee Salsa.
I almost feel bad for what I’m about to say cause I know someone put their heart and vag into this but wowza, couldn’t have been nastier if it had a roaring case of syphilis. Cold bison meat in a pool of tomato water, not an ounce of kimchee around. It should be noted that for better or worse, High Plains Bison was a paid sponsor and therefore this tasting was free.

13. Chipotle’s Niman Ranch Beef Carne Asada Taco.
Only cause it tasted like Chipotles Carne Asada Taco, and if I wanted Chipotle’s Carne Asada Taco, I would have gone to 34^th and 7^th and not Meatopia BBQ NYC. But, hip hip for Chipotle on getting down with the local thing. Whatever. (also sponsor so free)

12. Patrick Connely / Boho’s Grilled Bacon Sandwich, Pickled Greens, Tomatoes, Nappa Cabbage.
Ok, all the insides were good, but who wants one piece of bacon inside a big ass hotdog bun. Look at that!

11. Franklin Becker / Abe & Arthur’s Country Style Pork Ribs with Tomatillo Salsa
I’m just not a huge white meat kinda person. I’m sure for someone who is, this would be all kinds of bomb.

10. Akhtar Nawab / La Esquina’s Roasted Fudge Farm Pork Shoulder, Marinated with Leche Condensada, Equazote, Ajo, Y Naranjas
This is 10th cause it just wasn’t as sexy is it wants to be.

9. Michael Lomonaco / Porter House New York’s Grilled Skirt Steak Hoagies, Chimichurri & Roasted Corn.
I don’t have much to say about this but how ABUNDATE!

8. Ed Wilson / Wilsons BBQ’s Pulled Pork Shoulder, Slaw and Pickles.
Totally standard, but made my girl J drop her pants, so I think it won hearts.

7. Craig Koketsu / The Hurricane Club’s Honey-glazed Baby Back Ribs with Thai Basil & Mint.
I mean, look at it.

6. Eric Johnson / Mr Bobo’s Traveling BBQ Allstars!’s Pecan Smoked Short Rib over Asian Slaw & Bourbon Infused Mashed Sweet Potato.
Also, very nice to look at, I do enjoy that name!

5. Amanda Freitag / The Harrison’s Char Grilled English Lamb Chops
Look at the size! Is that really a tasting? That’s a lamb tasting up the ying yang, is what that is.

4. Daniel Holzma & Michael Chernow / The Meatball Shop’s Wood Grilled Bell and Evan’s Chicken, Mini Meatball Salad with White Beans and Watercress
They’re here cause they gave some greenery, which was much appreciated at this point.

3. Chris Hart / I-Que BBQ’s Competition Style Pork Shoulder.
You betchyer bottom dollar that’s made for a competition. Leapin lizards!.

2. Jonathan Waxman / Barbuto’s Grilled Marinated Chicken with Pickled Green Papaya.
The only reason why this is 2^nd and not 3^rd is because its chicken and therefore started at  a disadvantage. Boy that Waxman sure makes a tender bird. And he’s a sweetheart to boot!

AND THE WEINER IS…

1. Sam Barbieri / Waterfront Ale House / Fugeddaboutit BBQ’s House Cured and Smoked Brisket Pastrami, Stout Mustard, Pretzel Roll.
Melty-in-the-Mouthy, wanna-thank-your-motha-for-a-butt-like-that, get-in-my-face amazeballs.

YUM.

I’ve Been Gone For 2 Months Butt I Must Be Doing Something Right

These are the terms people searched to get here. Guess which one made me spit my Pork Slap out.